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雷哥托福 陈同学写作批改

2017-12-04 11:03:55 发布 来源：雷哥托福

剑9 TEST 2 TASK1

 

The bar chart demonstrates how many minutes telephone users in U.K spent on phone calls which can be separated into 3 categories, during the year of 1995 and 2002.

 

Among the 3 types, the total number of local calls of fixed-line takes up the largest portion. It steadily increased from 后面要连用to，连接2个年份，整句话要调整1995 starting with around 70 billion minutes, and peaking at 1999 with 90 billion. Contrary to the former pattern, the number began to decrease after 1999 which can be viewed as a turning point.

 

Following after ？the local fixed-line calls, the other 2 show a similar upward trend. At the beginning, the national and international fixed-line calls that residents made were a bit more than half of local ones, while cell phone calls were less than 10 percent of local fixed-line calls.

主题句在说“增长的趋势”，可后面的内容，没有在描述“增长”

In fixed-line category, the time spending on national and international calls gradually narrowed the gap with that of the local calls, as it 指代的谁keeps growing. So does the mobile phone calls, in which there was a rapid rise after 1999.

主题句在说fixed-line category，后面又出现mobile

In a word, the ultimate ranking was not changed during the period, .however, the distance between the 3 forms of phone calls was shrinking, which indicates the telecommunication turns to be wider and the frequency of using cell phones may be higher due to the innovation in coping industry？.

语言表达还是可以的，有些细小的地方注意一下就行

问题在于结构不够清晰，图的特征有描述一些，但要注意逻辑性，重点要突出，极值及规律一定要写出来


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上一篇：没有了 下一篇：1v1托福写作精批营来了！名师批改+直播讲解双管齐下！名额有限，手慢无！

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雷哥托福>作文精批>雷哥托福 陈同学写作批改

雷哥托福 陈同学写作批改

2017-12-04 11:03:55 发布 来源: 雷哥托福 4717阅读

剑9 TEST 2 TASK1

 

The bar chart demonstrates how many minutes telephone users in U.K spent on phone calls which can be separated into 3 categories, during the year of 1995 and 2002.

 

Among the 3 types, the total number of local calls of fixed-line takes up the largest portion. It steadily increased from 后面要连用to，连接2个年份，整句话要调整1995 starting with around 70 billion minutes, and peaking at 1999 with 90 billion. Contrary to the former pattern, the number began to decrease after 1999 which can be viewed as a turning point.

 

Following after ？the local fixed-line calls, the other 2 show a similar upward trend. At the beginning, the national and international fixed-line calls that residents made were a bit more than half of local ones, while cell phone calls were less than 10 percent of local fixed-line calls.

主题句在说“增长的趋势”，可后面的内容，没有在描述“增长”

In fixed-line category, the time spending on national and international calls gradually narrowed the gap with that of the local calls, as it 指代的谁keeps growing. So does the mobile phone calls, in which there was a rapid rise after 1999.

主题句在说fixed-line category，后面又出现mobile

In a word, the ultimate ranking was not changed during the period, .however, the distance between the 3 forms of phone calls was shrinking, which indicates the telecommunication turns to be wider and the frequency of using cell phones may be higher due to the innovation in coping industry？.

语言表达还是可以的，有些细小的地方注意一下就行

问题在于结构不够清晰，图的特征有描述一些，但要注意逻辑性，重点要突出，极值及规律一定要写出来


雷哥托福：www.toeflonline.cn；雷哥托福试听课程详情请咨询：400-1816-180


更多免费批改机会，请添加下方小托君微信



雷哥托福小托君微信号：Toefl1234（下图是二维码，快加我呀）


小托君二维码 .png

上一篇：没有了

下一篇：1v1托福写作精批营来了！名师批改+直播讲解双管齐下！名额有限，手慢无！

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